November '12
Hello guys! thanks for checking out my new blog. To be honest, I am entirely new with writing blogs or journals or anything else that smells like "sharing your life to others through writing".. So please bear with me. I pray that this blog can be a blessing for all of you...
A little bit about me, My name is Ivan, i'm Indonesian, likes yellow color, and I like to throw out jokes even though most of the time my friend thought its cheesy.. But after a while, they all got used to it and somehow found it funny! haha
I was born as a christian, and raised in a very nice Christian family. I always thought i am in a safe position because I always try to get involved in my church community, mainly as a musician coz i really enjoy playing guitar...
However, that mindset was wrong. A few days ago, my life group leader suddenly came approach me and said that I might be the lost sheep that Jesus was referring in Luke 15 parable. I was shocked. Totally shocked. Why did he out of the blue said that? He only knew me for less than 4 months, and yet he dare to tell me that
But on the other hand, I somehow agree with him. Looking back at my life in this past year, especially 3 months ago when I first started my uni life at UofM, I feel like I've been away from God... I remember my childhood, when I've always make time to read the bible before I go to sleep.. Always had a good communication with God, and I can felt His presence in my life so real! I was so plain, so pure, and faithful..
As time goes by, bit by bit of those good habit fade away... Teen life, busy schedule, and the effect of internet flushed away those intimate session that I always had with God.
It all got worse this month... I am struggling with my academic life, something that I've never encounter before.. I got broke up with my girlfriend, after one wonderful year that we spend with each other... I got stressed out with finding an internship for summer next year... And plus my decision to prioritize school over the church. I was trying so hard to survive with my own strength without letting Jesus helping me out. And I know I am guilty for it.
On top of that, I realized that God still loves me no matter what. He shows me that I had such an amazing family, amazing friends, that always support me no matter how bad I've been.
I am really thankful for my parents, coz all my life I thought they demand a lot of high expectation over me, including getting a good grades at school... But it turns out to be wrong.. As I broke the bad news about my test scores, they said it is okay. Instead of saying how disappointing I am, they said that grades is not everything... Instead of scolding me, both my dad and my mom told me to get some nice stuff over the black friday sale. It was pretty weird, bcoz before this they always told me to save up money, just like a typical chinese parents who tends to be "stingy".. They also says a lot of good stuff about me, trying to comfort me, supporting me.... Making me feel loved even more than I've ever felt before when I tell them I got good grades..
To sum up, I just want to thank my LifeGroup leader, Varoot... who helped me realized how far I've been away from God.. And through this first blog, I want to commit and pledge to myself, that from this point onwards I will turn my focus to Jesus, and to have those intimate relationship again with Him like what I had when I was a little kid...
AMEN! ^^
